i really love the wordpress blog, but i hate that customization is so limited. i will be moving back to blogger soon
so i sit here and i’m wondering how life can be so frustrating and exhilarating at the same time. i am in a place i have wanted to be in for so long, but i am still uncomfortable in the place where i reside. i got accepted to the school of my choice and i now have a job that i can sustain myself with and i am also on the verge of FINALLY having my own form of transportation that will hopefully last for a couple of years. as i sit here and watch NCIS (my guilty pleasure) i dream of the days where i can go home and just enjoy a tub of ice cream. that day is not too far off i hope.
ughhhhhh i feel so annoyed because if i could just get my money i could have my car and i would not be worrying about how to get too and from work, school and any other place i need to go. life is frustrating right now and things are becoming a pain. the only thing i’m really looking forward to is my wicca book getting here so i can finally begin my new life and hopefully get me some positive energy flowing my way. loving the new aspect of life and loving everything that is going to be coming my way. i firmly believe this is the right choice. for me anyways.
i have made the first step towards my new spiritual life. last night, on a whim, i bought ‘Wicca: A Guide for Solitary Practitioners’ and i feel great about my decision. i feel like this is definitely the place to begin. i am trying to rebuild myself and i figured that the first place to start would be with my spirituality. i am excited for everything i will be learning and the experiences that will help me get through life with ease. i hope this will be a new beginning that will take me farther than i can even imagine. i only want to be comfortable in life and i want a comfortable family. to me that will be the best i can ask for
how do we make due with the situations we are given and how do we keep from going insane. it seems like every chance we get to climb out of a rut we seem to have been stuck in for ages, something digs the hole deeper and makes it just a little bit harder to escape. i understand that once we do finally remove ourselves from what we are stuck in, things will finally be balanced. these rough periods will be all but forgotten. they will not be cherished, nor appreciated, nor will they be accepted as just life. they will be looked back upon with regret, disgust, amazement even because we always wonder how we survived and how we managed to get out of the situations we were put in.
i feel like a bad luck charm because i seem to bring misfortune to whom ever i am dating at the time and as soon as i disappear things just magically get better for that person. i think i might walk to winn-dixie for some type of candy because i feel so guilty. maybe if i just leave people alone they’ll be better off without me. i won’t because i happen to love the person i am with dearly. and i hope to be in love with him for a long time. this is all starting to sound like useless blather and it probably means i should just shut the fuck up and deal with my problems instead of bitch about them on the internet. i also need to update my picture.
having a job has completely humbled me and i am grateful for the experience. i now know what it is to be apart of the working community and i appreciate the lessons i have learned and will learn in the long run. things have been going well and things are starting to look up. i am learning to work hard and to be more responsible with my time and life. i hope that things will turn out okay. i mean i hope i will be okay; i hope my boyfriend will be okay; i hope we will all be okay.
we can only make the most of what we are given and turn bad situations into life lessons. good luck to everyone just starting out. i know i need it.